Wednesday, June 10, 2009

keeping "it" together

hi blog world!!!! oh how i have missed you sooooo much! i miss the great email updates with your wonderful, supporting comments and i miss writing about my thoughts and of course posting pics. ;)

i have been trying to keep "it" together with everything going on ((whatever that means.))"IT" is my life and i feel like it's been falling apart in the past few a nut shell, my dad has been battling colon cancer for over a year. we found out that the nasty disease has spread and it hit us like a ton of bricks. he has been on really harsh drugs ie:morhpine and after his first treatment of chemo and taking way too many meds, last week he developed pneumonia and could not breath on his own. with in minutes they rushed him down to ICU and he was hooked up to a ventilator also known as life support. When the dr said we could go in there to see him i was NOT expecting to see what we saw. it was the worst sight and i would never wish that on anyone. they should warn you before you go in there. they should tell you about all the tubes and what the machine does and looks like. my dad looked awful with tape on his mouth, his chest moving way too fast and this gynormous machine breathing for him. i mean thank god we have those alternatives but shit! that was the scariest thing. it happened so fast and all i remember is going numb. I could not stand in there for more than 30 seconds without breaking down. without feeling like my heart would stop or that my knees would fall off. i kept getting the feeling of every limb falling asleep and i felt like i weighed a thousand pounds. :(:(:(

Brandon has truly been an angel! i am so blessed to have him in my life. he will never know what he has done for me and my family. i know this all sounds awful but after 6 long days my dad is off that icky machine and breathing on his own!!!!!! he has a long road ahead of him but today is the first day i have been back to work and can actually semi focus. he is leaving ICU today and will hopefully go home by next week. We truly have the best friends and family in the world. every one's prayers and support have kept us going. there are people in our lives that have been here every step of the way and it keeps us smiling and strong!

i know my posts have been depressing and non existent but it feels good to type out the story and know that there is light at the end of this tunnel. i have learned through all this that the people who care most will never leave your side. there is no way anyone can go through these types of things on their own without their closest and dearest by their side. ♥ ♥ ♥

with that said...i am hoping to blog more and not be so damn depressing!

Last weekend i broke away from the hospital for a few hours to go the the most beautiful bridal below.

The girls ♥

you can click all pics to see them bigger.
it was so weird taking out my camera after so long. when i was looking back at the pics only a few weeks ago felt like a life time ago. strange.

Hope you are all great and having a good week! XOXO


brandon said...

i love you til then end. simple as that.

Katelin said...

hope everything is going okay and love the pics, as always.

Anonymous said...

Sophia Bush?

Anonymous said...

I've literally been checking my google reader every day looking to see if you wrote anything... worried about what was happening (weird, I don't eve know you! ha) I'm so so so sorry to hear about your Dad. I couldn't even imagine it... I teared up just reading what you're going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

On another note... what a stunning bridal shower! I've never seen one so elegant! You look gorgeous!

Kym said...

i'm so happy to hear that your dad has gotten better!!! just reading about what it's like in 'that room' gave me goosebumps :( but like you said, you are blessed with so many great family and friends around you. :)

glad to have you back! hehe!

Dana said...

Oh dear B. I'm so sorry to hear from your dad. I'll say a prayer for your family and your dad's health.

I strongly recommend you to read The Wheel of Life by Elizabeth Kubbler Ross, I read it last year when I lost a dear friend of mine and I found a lot of confort there.

Love and a big, big hug,


Blicious said...


marie said...

i love the picture where your sis is sitting at the table and there are flowers in front of her and behind her and the pic is black and white, with pink highlighted! so beautiful!


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