wow..is it really Thursday? i honestly can't believe how in a matter of minutes things can change so drastically. as most of my readers know my dad has been battling cancer for over a year now and it's been hell. he rarely has a good day and his good days consist of too much morphine for him to handle. i hate drugs and i wish the cure would come out already! it's the worst thing in the world to watch someone you love more than anything be in so much pain. one of the people who is supposed to be your support and has been your whole life has now swapped roles with you and it's the hardest thing to deal with. he's too young! there is no book or guidelines on what a child is supposed to do in these situations. i wish there was someone that could sit me down and tell me how to feel, how to act, what to say, what not to say and how to handle this terrible disease that is consuming my dads life; our lives. our family is a mess and there is no one that can glue it back together right now. we are all so emotional and so angry and couldn't be more lost.
He had emergency surgery yesterday and hopefully this will eliminate some of his pain so he can get his quality of life back. no matter how much longer he has with us in this world (hopefully 99 years to go) he should not have to suffer. he should be able to enjoy what time he has left. or at least i hope and pray that's the case.
my family has already lost the Mike, husband and dad we used to know. i keep waiting for him to be OK and to be back to my "normal" dad but i am also trying so hard to understand that will not happen. The hardest part is mourning and dealing with this loss even though he is still here. it may sound strange but we are now learning this new Mike and the new life he has in store for him. it hurts. it's so painful that there is nothing i can do to help. there is nothing i can do to take it away! :(
with that said..i hope he recovers from this and feels 50% better!!!!!!!!!! fingers crossed!
this is my dad. he is my bestfriend and i just want him to be out of pain. love you buddy.
my graduation 2007.
wine tasting for my birthday in 2006.
Once you choose hope, anything's possible. ~Christopher Reeve