Thursday, August 20, 2009

The most important thing in illness is never to lose heart. ~Nikolai Lenin it really Thursday? i honestly can't believe how in a matter of minutes things can change so drastically. as most of my readers know my dad has been battling cancer for over a year now and it's been hell. he rarely has a good day and his good days consist of too much morphine for him to handle. i hate drugs and i wish the cure would come out already! it's the worst thing in the world to watch someone you love more than anything be in so much pain. one of the people who is supposed to be your support and has been your whole life has now swapped roles with you and it's the hardest thing to deal with. he's too young! there is no book or guidelines on what a child is supposed to do in these situations. i wish there was someone that could sit me down and tell me how to feel, how to act, what to say, what not to say and how to handle this terrible disease that is consuming my dads life; our lives. our family is a mess and there is no one that can glue it back together right now. we are all so emotional and so angry and couldn't be more lost.
He had emergency surgery yesterday and hopefully this will eliminate some of his pain so he can get his quality of life back. no matter how much longer he has with us in this world (hopefully 99 years to go) he should not have to suffer. he should be able to enjoy what time he has left. or at least i hope and pray that's the case.
my family has already lost the Mike, husband and dad we used to know. i keep waiting for him to be OK and to be back to my "normal" dad but i am also trying so hard to understand that will not happen. The hardest part is mourning and dealing with this loss even though he is still here. it may sound strange but we are now learning this new Mike and the new life he has in store for him. it hurts. it's so painful that there is nothing i can do to help. there is nothing i can do to take it away! :(
with that said..i hope he recovers from this and feels 50% better!!!!!!!!!! fingers crossed!

this is my dad. he is my bestfriend and i just want him to be out of pain. love you buddy.

my graduation 2007.

wine tasting for my birthday in 2006.

Once you choose hope, anything's possible. ~Christopher Reeve


Jennifer said...

I know what you are going through kinda. My mother has breast cancer a few years back. I was shocked when the cancer came back 3 times! There are no words to describe the kind of pain you are feeling through all of this. Keep doing what your doing though, be there for your family and always have a great support system around you! You WILL get through this.

Maritess said...

I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. I always cry just at the thought of losing my parents, or even seeing them in pain. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope your dad feels better soon!

Allegra said...

awww, those pics are sooo cute!

Her. said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope that you all are comforted with peace and love.

carla said...

Courage pour ton père.
Ton blog est super, continue !


seriouslyright? said...

those pictures are sooo great!

Always you

<3 <3 <3<3 <3 <3

LoveMore said...

babe so so sorry to hear about your dad. my thoughts go out to you and your family.

love bel xxxxxxx

anacecilia said...

You are so strong to even be able to talk about it, im sorry that you are going tru this, God bless your daddy and i hope he gets better, your family is in my prayers and keep being so strong!!!
Hope you all feel better :)

Trace said...

B, your dad, you, and your fam are in my thoughts and prayers!!! I love these pics of you and your dad. Keep positive and strong, thinking of you!!

STARR said...

I really wish the best for you and your family <3

thesydneygirl said...

hi lovely :)
thanks for sharing what's going on in your life. it must be very hard. i pray for your fathers recovery. lets all send positive energy your fathers way. he seems like such a loving dad.

Winnie said...

I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. I really hope that the surgery helps his pain. Stay strong, you're awesome.

. said...

Oh my gosh, i hope you are okay. I know what its like, the pain and scared you are right now.

karl's sweet child said...

i wish and really pray for all the best for your father :)

Grace said...

Best to you and your dad, and your family. And I applaud you, it takes a lot of strength to watch someone you love suffer and keep it together.

Love Grace.

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